Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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