Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
its liver damage thursday
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
