Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
