I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
