I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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