and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
