This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
