3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
