I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
