what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
