I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
