Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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