i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
