Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize