We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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