I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
