Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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