Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
