While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
