what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
