my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize