some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
