How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
