Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
