you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
