i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
