worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
