The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
