dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
