just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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