the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
