Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize