Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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