Your mouth is God's brothel.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
