1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
