p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
