Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
