I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
