I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
