you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so let's talk penis.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
