Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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