I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
