So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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