your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
