Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
