The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
sex in a hospital.. check
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
