My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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