I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize