Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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