I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize