I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
