vagina is talking i cant
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
