I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
