you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
