Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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