anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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