my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
