What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
