thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
