U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
