So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
