I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
