Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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